Najwa Zebian

These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

To the heart in you, don’t be afraid to feel. To the sun in you, don’t be afraid to shine. To the love in you, don’t be afraid to heal. To the ocean in you, don’t be afraid to rage. To the silence in you, don’t be afraid to break.

Whatever you do, do it with purpose. Being focused is not something to be ashamed of. It is something to be proud of. When you know what are you are doing and have a clear vision of where you are going, you will not need to chase opportunities. Opportunities will seek you. Happiness will chase you. And, instead of being a choice, you will be the one choosing.

I Deserve It. I'd rather be disappointed by the truth than satisfied with a lie.

Respect me, not because I respect you, but because I deserve your respect. 

How pleased would you be if you found out I respected you only because I wanted you to respect me back or because I wanted something in return? 

I respect you because you deserve it.

Don't listen to me just because I listen to you. I listen to you because you deserve to be heard.

Don't be nice to me just because I'm nice to you. I'm nice to you because you deserve to be treated right.

Don't show me that you care just because you know I care. I care for you because your heart needs care. 

If your thoughts and feelings are not genuine, point them in right direction. 

If I only give you what you deserve, at least keep me away from what I don't deserve.

Here's the thing about people with good hearts:

They give you excuses when you don't explain yourself.

They accept the apologies you don't give.

They see the best in you.

They always lift you up, even if that means putting their own priorities aside.

They will never be too "busy" for you.

They make time, even when you don't.

And you wonder why they're the most sensitive people, the most caring people, why they are willing to give so much of themselves with no expectation in return.

You wonder why their existence is not so essential to your well-being. It's because they don't make you work hard for the attention they give you. They accept the love they think they deserve

- and you accepted the love you think you're entitled to.

Don't take them for granted.

Fear the day when a good heart gives up on you.

Our skies don't become grey out of nowhere, our sunshine does not allow the darkness to take over for no reason.

A heart does turn cold unless it's been treated with coldness for a while.

Broken Wings; 

Don't break a bird's wings and then tell it to fly. 

Don't break a heart and then tell it to love. 

Don't break a soul and then tell it to be happy. 

Don't see the worst in a person and expect them to see the best in you. 

Don't judge people and expect them to stand by your side. 

Don't play with fire and expect to stay perfectly safe. 

Life is about giving and taking. 

You cannot expect to give bad and receive good. 

You cannot expect to give good and receive bad. 

Does it happen? 

Yes, but don't make that an excuse for you to keep doing what you know is wrong. Don't blame life for what you do. 

That is so selfish and ignorant on your behalf.

If you ever get the chance to treat others, the way they treated you, I hope you choose to walk away and do better.

For them to see you shine, you must stay far way, for you are like the sun; when you’re too close, your light make them blind. And when you’re too far, they seek you. So let them seek you.

They’re getting your light regardless, but appreciating your presence is different from recognizing your existence. If they don’t appreciate your presence, they may never recognize your absence.

Don’t tell me what I want to hear. 

Tell me the truth. 

It may hurt, but it definitely won’t hurt more than the feeling that I was told something out of pity, not out of honesty. 

If you mean it, say it. If you don’t, keep your words until the right person is standing in front of you. 

If words are said too many times, they become cheap, and I only deserve to hear what is valuable.

If they don't appreciate your presence, they may never recognize your absence.

Change; You can draw a path for your life and have all of your goals set. You can change yourself as much as possible and change things around you just to reach those goals. Here’s the catch. Never underestimate the power of fate. It can knock down the highest of goals that seem guaranteed in your life. 

Plan, yes, and decide, yes, but be prepared for plans not to work. If they don’t work despite your hardest efforts, there must be a reason. You may not be able to see the reason at the time, but you will one day, maybe even years later. 

Did your efforts go to waste? If you don’t learn from them, then yes, they did go to waste. Even after changing yourself and your surroundings for the sake of reaching that one goal, you may realize that it was waiting for you at the place where you started, when you were the true you who did not need to change or be changed. Change for yourself, not just for a goal.

... don't invest your feelings in things. Don't invest them in people. Don't be good, considerate, honest, generous, and compassionate to others because you are investing in them as people, meaning because you expect something in return. If you do, you will be, and most likely you already have been, brought to deep disappointment. Be good to people because you are investing in goodness, consideration, honesty, generosity, and compassion, because those qualities have never failed to be rewarding.

Forgive them not because they apologized, or because they acknowledged the pain that they caused you, but because your soul deserves peace.

Broken wings are a sign of struggle and strength.

Don't tell me there's no place for innocent hearts in this world. 

Don't tell me I need to accept what I don't believe in. 

I respect it. 

Don't confuse my values for my stubbornness, although I am stubborn. 

Don't confuse my positive attitude for being naïve. 

Allow me to wrap my heart around you for a moment. 

Listen to this. 

Innocent hearts may not belong anywhere in this world but they are big enough for any heart in this world. 

Innocent hearts belong in innocent hearts. 

Innocent hearts belong in the hearts of those who genuinely want happiness.

You don't need to explain why you're protecting your soul from harm. You really don't.

You turn your back on yourself when you allow every closed door to stop you from moving on to the next one. Sometimes we choose to stand at a closed door and hope that it will somehow open, although that may defy logic and although we may know deep down that no goodness will come from it. We wait. We choose to wait. We choose to have hope, and we're always scared that the door will open the second we walk away. We claim ownership over what we do not have and fear losing it, although it really never was ours.

No need to break your soul trying to mend others.

When we see the worst in others, how can we expect from them to see the best in us.

Reflecting is essential, but don't let regret ground you in the past. 

Let it you grateful that you have a conscious mind that realized right from wrong. 

It may give you strength to wisely use your present to make your future better.

Life is not fair, but we can choose to be fair humans even if life or other humans choose to be unfair to us.

See yourself through the eyes of those who love you. They see all of the goodness in you when you fail to see it. They see the best in you when you see the worst. They are always ready to lift you up even before you fall down. They see every reason why you deserve happiness, love, and joy when you may feel that you're the furthest thing from deserving all of that goodness. 

Learn to care about those who care about you before you try to make those who don't even notice you turn your way. 

If you can't see happiness in what you already have, you're fooling yourself if you think that getting what you want will make you happy. 

If you can't see happiness in the simplest of things, you won't be able to see happiness in what's bigger. 

If you can't see the beauty of the stars, you may never appreciate the beauty of the moon.

No need to spend more time getting over others than spending falling in love with self.

Take responsibility; 

Just as you can't deny that you can feel love and hate, happiness and sadness, anger and ease of mind, or tiredness and relaxation, you can't deny that you have a fate that, sometimes, you can't control. 

That doesn't mean that it takes control over you. 

You can't deny that you have words that need to be spoken. 

You can't deny that you have a choice. 

You can't deny the ability that you can say no. 

You can't deny the ability that you have the freedom to make a decision and defend it. 

You can't deny injustice when you see it, unfairness when you feel it, oppression when you witness it. 

Stop blaming the world around you for wronging you. 

Take responsibility for the nos you could have said but chose not to, the words you could have said but didn't, instead wrapping your mouth with your own hands and remaining silent against what needed to be addressed. 

Take responsibility for the choices you could have made but restrained yourself from making.

I am not better than you because of my religion, color, culture, education, status, wealth, etc.

I am not, and neither are you, I must accept, and so should you, that there are differences between us that we were born into. Why do we focus on these differences? Put your hand in mine and let's accept that our differences should not come in the way of us uniting for the basic human values that we share: compassion, peacefulness, respect, honesty, innocence, humbleness and sympathy. 

Does a baby born here smile differently from a baby born anywhere in the world? 

Do they cry any differently? 

We may not speak the same language and we may not live the same lifestyle, but a smile I put on my face when I see you puts a smile on your face before you can even think of it.

Now, that is powerful. I hope that every sense of arrogance or greed in my heart is deviated to a sense of humility, so the wall of ignorance to the real issues in the world can be shattered by the common rights that I share with all of my brothers and sisters in humanity.

The mistake most of us make is that we build our homes in other people in the hope that they will deem us worthy of being welcomed inside. 

We feel so abandoned and empty when people leave, because we’ve invested so much of ourselves in them.

If you gave them once the love that they did not deserve, they will come back for more.

Stop dwelling in the past. No, you could not have known better.

No, you would not do things differently if you went back.

No, they would not have treated you differently if you had acted, looked, or cared differently.

They are who they are regardless of who you are.

I thought that I needed other's apology to move on.

I really needed to forgive myself first.

The reality you live in is partially up to you. 

The fantasy you live in is entirely up to you.

How can a mother sacrifice years of her life, put her career aside, make her dreams wait, without waiting for a paycheck at the end of the month? 

Would a paycheck bring her the same kind of happiness anyway? 

Not. Even. Close. 

We don’t make ourselves compassionate; we are born compassionate.

The biggest mistake we make is that we build our homes in other people. 

We build those homes and we decorate them with the love and care and respect that makes us feel safe at the end of the day. 

We invest in other people, and we evaluate our self-worth based on how much those homes welcome us. 

But what many don’t realize is that when you build your home in other people, you give them the power to make you homeless.

When those people walk away, those homes walk away with them, and all of a sudden, we feel empty because everything that we had within us, we put into them. 

We trusted someone else with pieces of us. 

The emptiness we feel doesn’t mean we have nothing to give, or that we have nothing within us. 

It’s just that we built our home in the wrong place.

Feelings are so powerful that they can convert moments into years and vice versa.

You may face hardship for a day, a month, or a year but not forever.

When pain knocks on your door, welcome it. Let it in. Sit with it. Have tea with it. Understand it. Then let it leave.

The truth can be seen, but it is not believed until it is openly said.

Being a leader is about leading your own mind's logic and leading your heart's reason. Be cognizant (conscious) of the decisions that your mind and heart make, and your life will be much more meaningful and rewarding.

Be good to people because you are investing in goodness, consideration, honesty, generosity, and compassion, because those qualities have never failed to be rewarding. Treat people righteously because you are investing in the righteousness of yourself, and, trust me, you will get something in return. You will be happy. You will be content. You will be truly free.

We base our happiness on events that may happen in the future: If this happens, I will be truly happy. 

What about now? What about all of the things happening in your life now? Are they really not good? Or just not good enough? 

Reflect, reflect, reflect. 

Don’t be quick to judge how regretful or amazing your past was, how good or bad your present is, or how great your future will be. Be content with now. Anticipate a better, rather than anticipating a good.

Letting go does not mean that you are giving up or that you are weak.

It could just mean that you are no longer allowing what hurts you to control you.

Take Responsibility: Don’t rely on others to make your life better. You may seem like a puzzle piece that fits nicely into their plans at one point, but what happens if they change their minds? So be it. You have a mind to lead you by logic and a heart to lead you by reason. You choose your fate by taking responsibility and by taking the lead in your life. Don’t make yourself part of others’ plans. Make your own plan and be part of it.

Stop waiting for something to happen. Stop waiting for someone to save you. Stop waiting for answers. Stop waiting for love. Stop waiting for the right moment, for the right situation. Stop waiting for relief. Stop waiting for clarity.

To bring this to a practical level, how many times do you find yourself scrolling (the act of moving text from right to left or up and down on a screen in order to view text that cannot be contained within a single display image) through your phone aimlessly, waiting for something to happen? Or spending every moment you’re not working, studying, or doing whatever it is that you do, in texting, calling others, watching a show, and so forth? 

And it all feels like the feeling you get when you’re continuously eating but not getting nourished. 

You’re ingesting (intaking) so much that it overwhelms you, but you still feel empty. This happens when you’re subconsciously waiting for something to happen that will take you out of the situation you’re in, whatever that situation is.

Don’t worry about what people think of you or about the way they try to make you feel. 

If people want to see you as a good person, they will. 

If people want to see you as a bad person, absolutely nothing you do will stop them.

Somewhere along the way of trying different things that we think will help change us, we may be misunderstood to be trying too hard, to be fake, and to be different than what we really are. 

Compare this to the metamorphosis of a butterfly. Halfway through, it looks nothing like what it ends up being. 

It is your choice to either stay halfway through or to continue your journey once you start it, to reach that destination of the person you know you can be.

Keep your heart beautiful. The world needs that.

This is when you realize that sometimes, just sometimes, you need to close your door so others can knock on it. 

Sometimes you need to stop shining so others can notice your existence. 

Sometimes you need to stop answering unasked questions so others can start wondering.

Here is an example I’m sure you can relate to on some level. 

Say you really liked someone who doesn’t like you back. 

The focus of your whole being might be on their unwillingness to give you love. 

If their love is the only source of love you see, you won’t see the love that might be coming to you from family, friends, colleagues, and even potential love interests. Because you’re not looking for that love. You’re not seeing it as a source of love. 

So, indirectly, you are blinding yourself to the love around you. 

You might believe you’re not worthy of love, and you’ve supported that belief with evidence from your past, plus evidence from your current situation. 

If that’s the case, your mind is going to search for every piece of evidence that further proves the story you believe about yourself, or what you make something that happened mean about you. 

You might see that story referred to as the ego, which is simply the Latin word for I. 

From the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep, your ego is looking for proof that reinforces what you believe about yourself. 

You walk around constantly trying to make everything mean something about you.

Do you know that, while you’re envying a person’s beauty, money, or success, they may be battling to live. 

Those things that they have that you don’t have may be a way of helping them cope. 

Those things may be a way of proving to them that perfection does not exist. It cannot exist. 

Just because people don’t complain to you doesn’t mean that they don’t have problems. 

It means that they’ve learned to accept their problems and deal with them without wanting you to worry. 

They think of how to keep you happy while you wonder how they could be so happy.

Do not focus your healing on making sense of why someone would want to cause you pain. 

You will never know their true intentions or whether they actually intended to hurt you or not. 

It’s better to aim to accept instead of to decode, dissect, or justify what happened. 

Getting stuck on trying to make sense of it is a form of resistance to feeling it or an escape from it. 

And all that is a distraction from doing the real work. 

From going back to the root and extracting the pain from the source.

Instead of saying How could they have lied to me? you say, I feel hurt when someone lies to me, because it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being told the truth. 

Instead of saying they are not even explaining why! you say, I feel sad when someone doesn’t try to resolve an issue, because it makes me feel like I’m not worthy of being fought for. The I statement has three elements: I felt/feel ________ (insert emotion) when ________ (recount the event that happened) because ________ (insert what it made you think of)

The feeling of home is the feeling of I’m together with myself. This togetherness includes all the elements of your being. In order for you to achieve this togetherness, the foundation of your home is the most important part, because it necessitates your self-acceptance and self-awareness.

Don't let your want replace your need, because a day will come when you will lose what you need to get what you want.

Sometimes forgiving yourself takes the form of you telling the story as you experienced it, not as someone else wrote it. Instead of He first did this, then this, then that, you are saying I did, I felt, I… And this is not to lay blame on you … it’s to make you the narrator of your own story.

I am so proud of the warrior that I have created from the ashes that were meant to bury me.

You are not confused. You are experiencing a confusing situation. Separate the confusing situation from who you are. If you say ‘I am confused,’ you are implying the confusing situation is part of you. It is not. It is part of what you are experiencing. The answer to the confusion does not lie in the confusion itself. Rather it lies in the ability to step outside of it and see that you are experiencing it instead of it being you. The answer lies in you.

The foundation is built from two things: self-acceptance (you must feel worthy of the foundation) and self-awareness (knowing who you are).

You’ve already accomplished the hardest part. So keep building. Keep working on yourself.

Let the sincerity in your heart see the sincere acknowledgement in other people's hearts.

If someone chooses to take advantage of your vulnerability and not honor the promise that they made to keep a safe space for your vulnerability, that’s on them. It’s not on you. And it doesn’t mean you are powerless. Your power is like a well that never runs out of water. People may drink from it. People may take way too much at a time. But you are the source of that power.

X I was waiting for someone to unveil me. To save me. But the hardest, yet most liberating truth, was that I needed to unveil myself. I could easily hide behind my words and hope that someone out there would understand me. But I knew I couldn’t hide anymore.

Change for yourself, not just for a goal.

At the end of the day, no one will walk your journey for you. You have to do that.

At the end of the day, no one will dream for you. You have to do that.

My biggest moments of confusion led me to the best decisions of my life in terms of doing what honors building a home within myself. 

Being unable to decipher (translate) people’s behavior; one day welcoming me into their lives and the next day making me feel like a stranger; led me to feel confused. 

Because, let’s be honest, confusing behavior in others makes you question yourself. You question your own sanity (stability, soundness), your own recollection of events … your own understanding of the events … of the person … of yourself …

You enter the forgiveness room for your own sake, not for anyone else. No one else is allowed in this room but you. Do not seek a cure from the person who caused you pain. Do not wait for their apology to give yourself permission to feel the pain.

According to this theory, there are four major styles of attachment that people form early in life and carry into adulthood: secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant. A secure person is an at-home person; they’re comfortable with connection and don’t base their worthiness on external sources of validation. An anxious person is the complete opposite; they’re in constant need of validation and come from a place of fear of abandonment. An avoidant person may come across as secure, but they avoid connection out of fear of abandonment. And an anxious-avoidant is a combination of the previous two.

Don’t Lose Track; I don’t live in your heart or in your mind, so I cannot judge your intentions or your beliefs. 

Although your actions may give me a good impression of who you really are as a person, and although I may learn some lessons from your mistakes, I have no right to openly judge you because my purpose in life is not to criticize other people’s lives but to be respectful and considerate of them along my own path to reach my end vision in life. My path may cross with yours, and I may believe that you are on the wrong track, but if I lose track of my path because I’m too busy judging yours, I will waste my time and yours. 

Who I am and what I believe in are mine to keep, and who you are and what you believe in are yours to keep. 

They are yours to strengthen, change, or even keep the same. 

As long as we can be true to ourselves, stay away from hypocrisy, and be respectful toward one another, we will be happy along our paths to reach our dreams. 

One day, you will realize that there is no one more worthy of your attention or your criticism than yourself. 

Imagine putting all of the effort and energy you spend criticizing others and exposing their mistakes toward bettering yourself. Wouldn’t you be much more content and happy?

Worry not about the future. You might not go there. Live not in the past. It's doors are locked. Its keys are in the skies. But remember this: Your heart is a castle.

Guard it with a cage of gold. Only he who is destined to enter it will seek the key. Your mind is a kingdom of grace. Keep its gates high and mighty. Keep it guarded with your faith. Befriend silence. It never betrays you. You are the master of your journey. You are the owner of your path. You are a bird, but unless you fly, you are not free. Only after your wings are broken will you realize that freedom is in your hands. So be free.

The people you welcome into your home, who you allow to sit at your table, are those who will listen without judgment, without the immediate need to respond, criticize, or analyze. Those who practice, not just show, compassion. Those who, even when they disapprove of your actions or what led you here, will tell you ‘It must be so hard. I can’t begin to imagine feeling what you’re feeling.’ Not people who will say things like ‘But how did you not see this or that?’ or any statement that makes you feel your problem is nothing compared to what they or others are going through.